I take Valentine’s Day with a pinch of salt. It is such a
divisive celebration that I loathe to acknowledge it in the way that our
consumerist society wants us to. Should I dislike overt gestures of expenditure or do I resent the lack of it because I’m not deemed worthy?
Either way my ego will protest in some way – if I let it.
What does this martyred saint mean to you? This Valentine
who was apparently persecuted for giving succour to Christians by intolerant
Roman pagans? So much distorted history down the ages shaped to create current
beliefs. But then all the romantic connotations associated with this day came
about – probably – around the 14th Century when courtly love was all
the rage and Chaucer penned a rather romantic ditty. Something I read some time
ago apparently with a Welsh accent according to my classmates. Have you
tried reading Chaucer out loud? You slip into regional accents you never knew
you could do.
I won’t deny that being appreciated by another human-being
is a wonderful feeling and for some of us this might mean flowers, chocolates,
cuddly bears, underwear and socks (basically Christmas with hearts on top). For others of us: a meal,
a romantic get-away, a movie... whatever...you all know what I mean - nothing
wrong with it. It’s only when expectations create the canvas and the chosen
expressionist is not forthcoming that things can go a little cubist. The rest
of us don’t necessarily put serious thought into it. I am married to a man who
jokingly tells me that I’m high maintenance because I never demand anything
from him – ever. He says I am the most difficult person to buy for because I
never want anything. He honours all the 'special' dates: birthdays, anniversaries
– a person who enjoys showing his appreciation through these gestures. He
chooses to do this of his own accord because that's the kind of person he is. If anyone is remiss in this relationship and behaves like the (amnesiac) 'man', it's me. It wouldn't be the first time I have forgotten our anniversary. So sue me and put my head on a spike! Truth is, we have everything we need and I am grateful, even if sometimes I can be downright contrary about sticking to convention and blasé about keeping dates.
The fact is, Valentne’s Day is such a big deal for some
people it’s almost painful to watch when it doesn’t go according to their romantic notions. I have friends in many different states of ‘relationship’, whether
single, coupled, married, widowed, divorced, separated or simply just being.
This day (if you give much credence to a ‘matrix’ reality) obliges the
individual to acknowledge where they are on the relationship pyramid. You can ignore it all you like and make
cynical jokes about it too. But it’s there in your face. Valentacky Day is
everywhere you look!
The truth is none of it matters. Not really. I think back to
the days when I was single and remember the days I felt like perhaps I wasn’t
meant for the loving business. And as I
got older and got better acquainted with who I am I came to realise that my
lovelorn ego and its misplaced priorities had no place in my life, not if I
wanted to be happy. To berate myself thinking that I was unloved and rejected
was my egos way of punishing me for something I hadn’t done. Eventually after a
lot of introspection, low moments and serious questions I came to understand
myself and forgive myself the self inflicted unkindness; it’s one thing to
allow others to treat you badly, but another to treat yourself with disdain. In
both cases you make the decision to cut the cords keeping you in that hopeless
place dictated to you by your ego and the pressure of conformity. Bad relationship? Consign it to history - au revoir. Learn from it and let it go. Saint Valentine would have offered you a shoulder to cry on, I'm sure, not a bunch of meaningless flowers.
Happy friendship day!
