Snow! What is it about snow that gets people all excited and whooping for joy everytime they see it spread across the land in all its white picturesque gloriousness? Does it remind you of your carefree childhood? Perhaps we in the temperate zone think of it as frolicsome fun where snow creatures are built, and snowballs can be thrown in frivolous joy at friends; where we get our sleighs out and skis and snowboards and go play in the accommodating hills. Oh joy! I daresay those who live in places like Siberia, Alaska and the upper northern hemisphere have other thoughts regarding the white stuff. I’m sure they look forward to it every winter – not.
Me? I absolutely abhor the stuff. I am all for the seasons, but they either mark themselves out properly or stop giving us these half-hearted flurries every so often that only serve to inconvenience and take the joy out of everything. Ok I'm grumpy today and particularly belligerent. I live in a country that has mastered procrastination, objections and excuses to an art. As a Brit I’m allowed to complain. We’re good at moaning about everything yet at the same time our grumblings achieve nothing as we so seldomly act on our gripes. We just plod along grinning and bearing it. Our transport service is appallingly pathetic. At the first hint of snow everything comes to a standstill. If there’s a twig on the line there will be a delay and an investigation as to HOW that malicious twig got there. The service grinds to zero and yet somehow my fares went up at the beginning of the year. Where does all this cash go? Certainly not transport. I’m sure it’s lining the pocket of some executive as a bonus for turning up at meetings for his coffee and croissant. I’m sure it was a difficult choice deciding between the croissant and the danish pastry. Such overworked minds need to be rewarded for the effort by over inflated bonuses. Am I being unfair? I think not when I consider the awful economic inequalities in the world. Where a bin man in Indonesia, Jakarta earns one pound a day (if he’s lucky) working over 15 hours a day just to feed his family and is shown very little respect. He has no prospects because he cannot afford an education and is treated by the affluent as a lesser being. I know my argument may seem simplistic but not when it concerns struggling human beings who desperately try to keep their lives together. They are usually also some of the most giving and humble people on earth. The poor have a certain grace and humility that puts most of us to shame. In most cases they are the first to offer you shelter and sustenance if you’re in trouble. I have seen it time and time again. I have no doubt that it’s all about self preservation too. A good deed done today may save your skin on another. But it’s a community that works together and they look after each other. Do we? When was the last time you spoke to your neighbour? Do you even know them?
Anyway, what was I moaning about? Ah yes, snow: that cold stuff that I dislike so much. When you live on a hill and that wonderful white fluffy snow has turned into dirty black slush and iced over the pavements ‘cause the grit is never spared for us plebeians and our vulnerable limbs, the chances are you may break, fracture, sprain something in the process of going about your routine like dropping of your kids at school and walking the 25 minutes to the station to catch your train to work. I do not have the luxury of a car, there are no buses, and taxies around here are extortionate. You pray that you get there in one piece and then you hope against the forces of nature that the icicles have behaved themselves and not touched the line. All it takes is an icicle on the line. They conspire with the twigs and take seasonal turns throughout the year. The wind too has a claim – beware the fallen trees across the line. It’s all out conspiracy with the elements.
I hate *insert profanity here* snow! It’s cold, it’s dangerous in its icy form, nothing but over-rated play dough and it should be confined to the Polar Regions, the glaciers and high mountain ranges. Banish the stuff, or leave it to the insane people who holler in joy at the first signs of it. Pack them off to Greenland and leave them there to ‘play’. They’ll soon get bored once the novelty has worn off and they feel the frost introduce itself to their body parts. I have been known to take a walk in the snow and enjoy its aloof beauty but I wouldn't weep if it were never to show its flakes in my presence again. I can appreciate the beauty of snow and yet not have to cavort in it. Snow and I keep a respectable distance where possible. It's probably why I have never gone skiing or snowboarding. I prefer water sports. I don’t envy the snow lovers in the least. I have better things to do. Why do I want to freeze my proverbial bollocks off shivering my arse off building some half-hearted snowman? I am not an Emperor penguin and I sure as hell am not daft. Have you seen how those creatures withstand the harsh Antarctic winter? Kudos to the Emperor Penguins! I’m such a pansy complaining about snow in comparison but those little guys are the ultimate biological phenomenon when it comes to endurance and mettle. If I were to get stranded (highly unlikely) in Antarctica I’d most likely die. Robert Falcon Scott did well to survive as long as he did with his men and was brave enough to face death and note that the elements were just too over powering for the human body to withstand given the limitations of his era. Even now we would be hard pressed to stay alive without our various technologies working towards keeping us alive in such conditions. Ironically, Scott’s immortality lives on as a result of his death and his compelling journals. Looking back I guess it didn’t really matter that Roald Amunsden beat him to the pole. In death Scott became a legend. Had he lived the acclaim may not have been so enduring.
Mother- nature is formidable and I know not to take on such feats because I’m just not built for it. Hell, I complain about snow and winter but I’m wise enough to know when to avoid what isn’t good for me. It's bad enough the virus has a field day during this time of the year - take all the vitamins you like they'll still get you - I don't need the white stuff too. My extremeties suffer enough!
Snow doesn’t do it for me – sorry. I’m wise enough to take a step back and wait it out. Spring is round the corner and Ms grumpy here is just biding her time.
